Over many years, in life and in the workplace, I have seen numerous situations where people have been upset, to varying degrees, with the way someone treats them or speaks to them. As the old saying goes “It’s not what you say, it’s the way that you say it”.
One of the ways in which I encourage people to speak out, is to help the see that it is not only bad for them to feel dominated but it is also bad to leave that person unaware of the effect of their behaviours. You could say that inaction is shielding them from self-revelation and improvement.
A recent client told me that she felt angry with herself for allowing her boss to be dominating. She admired the boss’ experience and skills but felt steam-rollered by her and frustrated that she was not demonstrating her own abilities sufficiently.
So we worked on what was important to my client; what she wanted to change; how she perceived the boss and other colleagues and the culture of the organisation. We looked at other areas of life where this disempowerment had shown up. We took account of the skills and ambitions of my client. What she wanted in the longer term and what was important for now. Then we looked at the steps that needed to to be taken to achieve this. We even had a bit of fun in role playing what she would say in a meeting that was coming up; how she would ensure the conversation gave an opening to what was important for her to articulate.
I’m happy to say that the particular meeting, and subsequent ones, went well and she got the promotion she wanted and developed an empowered way of relating to her boss that was fruitful for everyone and the organisation. My added pleasure was in seeing her set free to be more fully herself.
Do you remember a line in the film Dirty Dancing? “Nobody puts Baby in the corner”. The dominating father was displeased with his daughter’s behaviour and she sat in the corner of the dining area of the holiday camp they were in. Her dancing partner came up and pulled her out to dance with that sentence.
If you are in the corner - contact me for an exploratory conversation to see if you think I could support you to show your true colours to the world.