PERSEVERING THROUGH CHANGE

1.     1/3 of my garden was under flood water for 2.5 years. A new land drain has been laid and it is dry.

2.     We have two new colonies of bees settling in. Like many beekeepers, we lost a colony over the winter; probably the queen was elderly and died. The workers hung on but with no leader, who lays eggs to replenish the workers, it was only a matter of time before they gave up.

What have I learned?

·       There are times when great perseverance is required. I had to campaign on two levels to persuade individuals and organisations to take responsibility for the flood and its solution.

o   Eventually the water company admitted it was their water, found the major cause and the flood considerably reduced.

o   However, leaky pipes from 100-year-old houses up the road from me are bound to continue. Getting new land drains required a very long discussion with the housing association who own 2 houses in the terrace.

o   I had to find people of influence who would fight my cause. Local TV, Councillor, MP, Council department who fund the housing association and environmental flood department. I could go on!

·       It is easy to feel inadequate when you are a beekeeper with L-plates. I felt bad about the failing hive – these little creatures are important to the world.

o   My daughter told me to give up if beekeeping gave more worry than pleasure. That brought out the fighter in me and we put ourselves on the swarm list.

o   Then a kind person offered a swarm they had been nurturing and another person had a colony they had bred for sale.

o   So here we have kindness at work in the beekeeping fraternity. People are happy to do favours and pass on their knowledge. I just had to ask and admit I needed more help.

o   And I also need to take responsibility myself by doing some more reading up my understanding and skills.

When have you persevered over a protracted period of time?

·       What did you learn that can be retained for future situations?

·       How do you encourage yourself to continue to campaign for what it ‘right’ so that the relevant people/organisations take responsibility for the results of their neglect?

o   How do you manage to do so without making an enemy and, instead, encourage them to step up while also finding those who can put a bit of pressure on them to do so!

Do you feel disempowered by a lack of knowledge and skills?

·       Ask for help – discover who to ask and go ahead.

·       The Queen bee is a dictator and when she dies, or absconds with most of the colony in a swarm, the other bees are doomed.

o   How do you prevent a great leader becoming a dictator or being so excellent that everyone relies on them and fails to prepare for succession by raising new leaders?

I’d love a conversation with you if you are interested in what coaching can empower you to do.

RESILIENCE, TOLERATION, CHANGE, CHOICE

As I look outside and see the blossom of cherry, peach, pear and apple, a bit of me fears that a late frost will rob me of the fruit I love. I guess I could go around wrapping things up but admit that I haven’t the time, energy nor the will to do so every time the forecast shows a drop in temperature. So, I hope for the best and accept what comes.

How might that kind of an attitude go down at your workplace or in your own business or within your relationships?

You could argue a good case for the various options, couldn’t you?

·       Acceptance of the win-some/lose-some philosophy and reduce the stress

·       Keep your finger on the button by ensuring you are abreast of changing circumstances and ready to take action to reduce/mitigate risk

·       Live a relaxed lifestyle by welcoming the changes that come at various stages of life, looking for the positives of living in the present rather than dwelling on the past

·       Get the most out of the situation you find yourself in by maximising opportunities.

On and on you could go.

What I’m interested in, is what works for you in the context you might want to explore. Mine is one of a large garden and a reduction of physical strength. I have had to accept that my ability to meet all the challenges of my garden has changed and I, therefore, had a choice: enjoy what I can and simplify the garden needs or beat myself up about not having every corner filled with flowers and a bountiful fruit harvest.

Your choices will, of course, be different and it might well be that you have developed a habit of tolerating situations that you could, if you chose to, change. Perhaps there are small variations that could make a dramatic change for the better. Maybe you could do with strengthening the muscle of resilience in the face of adversity.

·       Are you accepting something that robs you of your peace, makes you self-critical or prevents you finding joy?

Time to get a coach and find out how your life could be improved. I offer a session for free so you can get a flavour of how a few hours of coaching could help you. Do get in touch.

FOOT WASHING

When did you last wash someone’s feet – literally or figuratively?

Today is Maundy Thursday. Jesus and the disciples were eating a Passover meal. As they celebrated gaining freedom from slavery during the nation’s time of captivity in Egypt, Jesus models humility and service through washing their feet – something a slave would normally do. A leader who came to serve rather than be served; who loved sacrificially.

Who do you serve?

How do you love?

How do you lead?

How, and for what, will you be remembered?

Happy Easter.

USING YOUR 5 SENSES

I’ve been facilitating a weekly group in which we have been exploring how using our senses can enhance the way we relate to God. The learning can easily be transferred to any situation because the more we are in touch with the various ways of ‘being’ in this world, the greater our capacity will become receive in all areas of life.

So, what are you noticing through sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste?

I invite you to stop for 2 minutes; choose one sense and use it.

·       Notice what you experience.

·       How does it make you feel?

·       What memory does it stir?

·       What emotion is evoked from that memory?

As you go about your day, continue to be aware of what is impacting the particular sense that you chose. Tomorrow you might choose a different sense and over the coming week work your way through all the senses.

The group, with whom I have been exploring, have found that their ways of relating to God have been enhanced. There doesn’t need to be anything very complicated about this. It really does come down to increasing your ability to notice and making it a habit. Working, family and social relationships will be improved as your senses help you to notice the messages coming from body language that you see, tones of voice that you hear, a memory that a smell has brought, a touch that has comforted or a taste that has made you happy.

Living life to the full can be increased through savouring the 5 senses. Go on, give it a go!

Infographic by Vecteezy

LEADING WITHOUT EXHAUSTION

Are you doubting if having a leadership role is worth the anxiety, disappointments, extreme challenges and exhaustion it entails?

Most leaders will experience some doubt as to whether they are the right person for the job when exhaustion or even burn-out occur.

Before you chuck it all in or make yourself ill, take some time with a coach for a few months. It may be that a different job would suit you much better or it might be that what you need is to tailor the role to fit your skills, personality and ambitions/longings.

A coach can help you to examine what causes you to have the negative and undermining feelings. They will support you to dig deep so you find out or remember what you want to achieve in life through your work. Where and what is the currently hidden treasure that you have to offer?

Don’t lose any more sleep.

There are loads of coaches on LinkedIn; read about them and choose one. Most of us offer a free initial discovery session so you can decide who is the best fit for you.

PROCRASTINATION

What causes you to procrastinate?

Can you identify whether it is being exacerbated by your physical, mental, emotional or spiritual health?

A coach can really help you to untangle this situation and support you as you decide the way forward.

Living in procrastination takes a heavy toll. Self-judgement, irritability, criticism from others waiting for you to DO something, opportunities being missed and potentially a damaging impact on relationships or work projects.

There may well be some good reasons for procrastination. Perhaps the project really shouldn’t go ahead but you don’t have the authority to stop it in its tracks. Or maybe your procrastination is to do with you not feeling empowered enough to be able to communicate your assessment of it to the manager. Maybe you are in a relationship that brings you no joy – whether romantic or a friendship. What needs to be explored to put some light onto the situation so you can make an informed choice about whether to work on it or let it go?

Freedom on choice is important. Being strong enough to make the tough choices may need you to learn some new ways of valuing yourself and expanding into the fullness of you. Here is a snippet from prayer by Elizabeth Edwards:

Expand me, O God. Do not let me settle for anything less than all that you created me to be.

I invite you to have a free session with me to assess if I might be a helpful companion on the journey.

FROST, BLUE SKY AND SUNSHINE

Hard frost: beautiful but treacherous as you can’t be sure how slippery footpaths and roads will be.

Blue Sky and sunshine: Now you can see clearly; it’s like God has used a highlighter pen to draw your attention.

Are you in that hard frost time?

Do you think the way ahead looks wonderful but you fear that there could be dangers?

How do you balance going for your dreams when an opportunity arises against the possible pitfalls?

One good way is to talk it through with a coach. With the support of someone trained to explore such matters, you can assess the opportunities, potential dangers and, through examining your values and deeply held dreams, ensure that the thing you desire is in alignment to the real you.

Are you making the most of blue sky and sunshine times?

As the saying goes, make hay while the sun shines. You will be energised in this season and your perceptions and discernments razor sharp.

What might trip you up, at such a time, would be taking on too much!

Having a handful of sessions with a coach will help you to prioritise and then choose what you will take on and what you will leave so that your work life balance is safe.

KNOW YOURSELF

In my work, both as coach and spiritual director, I meet people who have come to a point where they no longer know who they are. You will probably have noticed that the importance of this topic is expounded by many coaches and therapists. It is foundational to living your life to the full.

Here are some questions to ponder to help you as you start to unravel the subject:

1.     What is really important to you?

2.     What are you tolerating?

3.     What do you believe in?

4.     What do you know?

5.     What/who takes up your time and leaves you depleted?

6.     What are the three most important values you live by?

7.     What gives you joy?

8.     What gives you peace?

9.     What robs you of 6 and 7?

10.  What does your heart yearn for?

11.  What do you want to stop?

12.  If you could give a descriptive name to the true you who is longing to be released, what would it be?

It is still early in the year; I’m calling the real you to step out. I’m here to support you as you go on this voyage of discovery.

DON'T SAY THEIR NO FOR THEM

How often do we do that?

·       ‘Oh, she won’t like that. – Actually, she’s been thinking about trying that all week.

·       ‘He doesn’t like turnips’ - In fact, he was given roasted turnips at a work dinner and he loved them.

·       ‘They tried that 10 years ago and it didn’t work, so there’s no point in suggesting it’ – Funnily enough, the manager came across this old project plan and is wondering if it would work in the current marketing climate.

And don’t say ‘no’ to yourself without re-evaluating the current circumstances and your ambitions. Don’t be defeated by the past or the attitude of others. If there’s something in you that wants to do or suggest something. Do it. But plan HOW you will do it and the positive and negative implications so you are well prepared.

Want help? I’m here for you.

I CAN'T BE BOTHERED

That’s how I feel as I start to write this. I had hip surgery 8 weeks ago and have had a heavy cold for 2 weeks. Blah! I want to feel well and energetic and regain full mobility – and I want it now!

And I also notice, this morning, how golden the huge weeping willow nearby looks – like an exploding firework; the bright blue sky behind it; the various plants that friends have brought round; the garish colours of toys that my youngest grandson plays with when he’s here; my daughter’s small dog curled up beside me.

Now I notice how my mood lightens as I feel grateful for these things.

What are you noticing today?

In both my coaching and spiritual direction sessions, I encourage clients to notice – to sharpen their self-awareness as they consider the topics they bring to our hour together. Maybe it is to notice what energises them and what saps their engagement in the responsibilities of their role or the culture of the company they work for. Or to become more sensitised to God’s presence with them and the ‘coincidences’ that seem to strengthen their discernment when making choices.

I encourage you to join me today in using all your senses to notice the good things around you that can bring joy into your life, even when circumstances seem to be robbing you of that positive outlook.

YOU CAN GO YOUR OWN WAY

So sang Fleetwood Mac, whose gifted singer, Christine McVie, died yesterday. Referred to as the 'songbird' by a member of the band.

Do you know what your own way is?
To what extent are you living the life that is expected of you by others?
Are you willing to discover and live the real you?

“Open up
Everything’s waiting for you”.

You don’t need to chuck all the past away. Just put it in its place, appreciate what it has added to you.
Recognise the hurts. Don’t excuse them but do let them go because when you play those old videos of your life, re-enacting the words and actions that damaged you, you make yourself small. Those rough times have given you valuable lessons to keep as you release the emotional damage they rendered at the time.

De-clutter your life by being willing to open up that room that is full of negativity.
Let the sunshine come into your life as you throw back the curtains of the past that are preventing you from seeing what is and what can be.

If you’d like help in doing this, I’m your woman. Let’s have an exploratory, free, meeting either in person if you live in Hertfordshire or via Zoom.

MISCOMMUNICATION

I was reminded, recently, of how easy it is for this to happen. Two bright and emotionally intelligent people were involved. What one person (A) said was received incorrectly by the other (B). B then did some deep reflection and wrote it to A. A was mortified that their words had been misconstrued and wrote a full reply.

I have no doubt that this will be cleared up and that their sensitive and thoughtful exchanges will have created some valuable learning for each of them and contributed to a deepening ongoing working relationship. I was so impressed by the willingness they both showed to be transparent and vulnerable with one another.

However, this sort of humility is pretty rare. Mostly, we witness miscommunication giving rise to defensiveness or aggression and lingering offense/hurt. This is SO unproductive and downright damaging to teamwork, collaboration and creativity.

A coach or, in very serious cases, a mediator, can be really helpful. Would you, or members of your team, benefit from some coaching sessions? Get in touch and open the door to greatly improved team wellbeing and personal growth.

WHO/WHAT IS YOUR ROCK?

I read this morning a couple of verses from Isaiah 26:

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.

Where do you place your trust and, thereby, receive your peace?

We all know, though often choose to ignore, that material things and prestige in the eyes of others, can cause a meteoric rise followed by a tragic crash.

This morning’s news talked of the meteorite that crashed into gardens in Gloucestershire last year. Apparently, the fragments contained water that was a near-perfect match for that on earth. We don’t just live in a big world but in a universe that we have yet to fully understand. What is extraordinary is that our world, small as it is within the universe, is held together by the interdependence of nature. E.g. the humble bee and other pollinators.

With whom do you have a healthy interdependence? People in your family, workplace, social circle? It may be that there is an unhealthy dependency – are you taking someone for granted or are you being taken for granted?

Learning that we are each an important, yet very small, part of life on earth can empower us whilst keeping our ego in check.

How will you allow the eternal to positively influence you today?

FRUSTRATED PLANS

FRUSTRATED PLANS

You wait around all morning for the electrician who doesn’t come. You have moved appointments so you can be home and he hasn’t even had the grace to contact you. The job has been waiting to be completed for months.

A long client meeting mid-afternoon is cancelled at the last minute. At least they have a genuine reason for it - but you couldn’t get into some important work knowing you’d have to stop for the meeting!

Your frustration burns as you consider the two projects that could have had your undivided attention had these two situations not arisen.

The family get home and you are irritable with them and go to bed at the end of the day feeling you have failed and that the world has conspired against you. You know that’s illogical but it is how you feel.

It’s life. Plans change. How can you develop yourself to cope better?

How about developing a flexible response to setbacks? Think of it like starting Pilates to get your stiffening body to stretch and flex!

·       Notice what triggers frustration and the symptoms as they emerge

·       Become aware of your thoughts, feelings and physical response to setbacks

·       Then choose to look for positive thoughts which will change the feelings and body responses.

o   When you are unable to give dedicated time to that important project, catch up on the non-urgent tasks that have been waiting and which are starting to give you stress as they mount up. As you knock them off the list, be pleased with using the time to reduce that to do list.

o   Give yourself some blue-sky thinking time. You’re working from home so sit in the garden or go for a walk as you do this. Breathe and let your creative and strategic juices flow and be grateful for pockets of time to use these latent gifts.

Even the thought of choosing how you will spend time can help free you from negative thoughts and emotions. You are in control of your responses to the changed circumstances that you could not control. So that’s good huh? Take back your life every day as you turn a problem into an opportunity.

CORRUPTED BY POWER

The world seems in chaos.

Evil prospers when good people do nothing.

Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

·       WHAT can we DO?

Please forgive me if I seem too blunt or to be pointing a finger – I’m aware that means three are pointing back at me; my musings and questions are for me and I’m sharing them with you.

I feel disenfranchised.

While it is my belief that most politicians start with good intentions and a deep desire to be of service, they are faced with choices which lead to compromise or colluding with those who have different values. We all need to be flexible but when that undermines our values, we stand on shaky ground. European politics are good in that we have regular elections but this also leads to short-term planning because there is always the fear of losing power.

·       What CAN we do?

Thousands of people choose to read ‘news’papers and magazines that pander to a base interest in gossip. I wonder why we are not heartily sick of this constant diet of lies, exaggeration and distortion. And those manipulations never seem to be positive do they? Questioners on news programmes appear to manipulate politicians into stating the worst possible outcome in any subject.

·       What can WE do?

There are choices we can make:

1.     To vote for those who espouse the values we look for in our decision-makers and hold them accountable when they fail.

2.     To see what we could contribute in our family, our workplace and our community to promote good values, ethics and integrity in how we behave and interact.

3.     To write to newspapers, social media platforms, magazines, radio and TV programmes and tell them when we are unhappy about what there are printing, airing and screening.

a.     And withdraw our custom. If we keep on buying, listening and viewing, they will justifiably say they are giving us what we want.

4.     To cease purchasing goods sellers who have questionable practices.

5.     To be honest with ourselves; our own failings so that we can show grace to others who are struggling.

What one thing will you do or stop doing, today, that will align you closer to living your values

FOCUS

How well are you able to focus? We multi-task, don’t we? Watch TV while knitting or playing solitaire on the computer; play with a toddler while speaking on the phone; go out to dinner and text someone a photo of the meal. But how does this kind of lifestyle impact on our ability to focus? What are we robbing ourselves of as we split our attention into many parts?

The world drives us into fast fix-it mode. We live in an instant world which breeds impatience and leads to stress. I would suggest that a lifestyle of multi-tasking prevents us from being truly present.

In my last two weeks of Thursday posts on LinkedIn, I shared about an emotional response to a photo. Part of my learning was brought about by not rushing on with life but, instead, to keep returning to the subject until I had got all the ‘juice out of the orange’. The impact on me was positive and affirming.

What do we miss out on when we fail to focus? The focus might be to examine our response to a situation or it could be related to a piece of work that needs attention to detail or some creative thinking.

Perhaps it is time to learn some new habits.

·       Slow down when the situation invites you to go deeper or broader in order to notice what has and is contributing to the state of play.

·       Take time to meditate/be more mindful at some point in your day.

Such a practise allows your thoughts to invite you into some new pathways; this can be tricky for the action-oriented person, so start by taking a walk or sitting somewhere peaceful with a nice drink. Look around you; let go of all your concerns and allow your mind be free as you start to notice form and shape, colour and sounds. Let your mind rest and be refreshed. See what thoughts and ideas start to come to you.

Multi-tasking and speed are great skills but they must not be allowed to prevent us from enjoying focussing on quality and giving time to creative thinking. Everyone benefits when we take our foot off the accelerator and vary our mode of operating.

LOVE CASTS OUT FEAR

Fear inhabits the soul who is not able to trust; whose expectation is that something bad will happen.

Being cautious can sometimes be sensible but today I’m talking about the fear that grips us and has its effect on us mentally, emotionally and physically. I well remember being crippled with severe tummy ache for much of my earlier life due to fear and anxiety.

Fear/anxiety/stress are habit forming; a learned way to react to situations that we may have been brought up with or picked up during hard times. They steal our joy and reduce our ability to love and be loved.

·       Sometimes to change this situation we may need to receive inner healing from situations that caused us to fear and disabled our ability to trust.

·       Or we can decide that we will change what has become an auto-response of fear/anxiety or stress. Neuroscience has shown us how we can re-programme ourselves as we choose a different response with determination and perseverance.

·       Perhaps the most profound healing and habit change is brought about by love.

o   The Bible tells us that God IS love and that His perfect love drives out fear.

o   In order for that to happen we need to receive that love.

o   Are you willing to explore this option?

HOSPITALITY

How do you practise hospitality – in your home, in your place of work and in your heart?

It seems to me there’s less of it about these days.

·       We have come out of several lockdowns.

·       We are fearful of being physically close to people.

·       We have got used to isolating in our home and working there.

·       We’re now accustomed to meeting via our computers or phones.

When we do meet, it is usually in a coffee bar. We don’t invite people into our home – our safe place. But it is much less personal isn’t it? If you chat with someone in their home context you feel you are getting to know more about them.

How about the stranger - the new person in our street or office or the refugee?

I remember my mother (several decades ago!) holding a coffee party for half a dozen friends plus the woman who had moved into the road. Then each of those friends did the same, including the new resident. It has always stuck with me – what a nice welcome she experienced and opportunity to get to know some people and begin to feel part of the community.

Before I commenced a building project, I had several neighbours round to show them the plans. The ones either side of me had lived there for 5+ years and it was the first time they had met each other.

Loneliness is quite a problem these days.

Low self-worth can inhibit creativity and professional development in the workplace.

·       How will you offer hospitality today and going forward? A warm, welcoming, hospitable heart that makes people feel welcome.

·       Who will you stop and chat to – perhaps someone you’ve seen often but not met or who sits alone in the cafeteria at work or in the congregation at church?

·       Developing a hospitable heart and home will enhance your life and bring encouragement to others.

REST FOR YOUR SOUL

My attention was captured by this Mexican Feather Grass when I entered my local Sainsburys last week. I immediately wanted to run my fingers through the delicate looking leaves and decided I would treat myself to it.

After setting it up at home, I watched it moving in the breeze, seeming to mirror the larger actions of the giant weeping willow in a neighbouring garden. As I continued to watch I noticed my breathing slow and deepen and the pressure of the to do list lose its grip on me.

Finding something that aids your soul to rest and listen is important – do you hear the birds in the video? That rest is like a drink of cold water on a hot day. It refreshes and enables you to be more productive when you need to return to the tasks awaiting completion. Don’t ignore the call of your soul; it invites you to stop, rest and listen to the inner voice that encourages you into peace, joy, and gratitude.

Where or what helps your soul to rest? Nurture your soul’s health daily and notice the difference it makes to your wellbeing.

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THINGS AREN’T ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM

This week I’ve been pondering on how we miss seeing things when they are not what we expect. A bit like when you bump into someone you know from work at a friend’s party. You do a double-take because you are not used to seeing them being in that setting – you had no idea you had mutual friends.

My current theme of posts is related to the Easter story. I’ve been fascinated in the last week of the instances where Jesus appears to various disciples after He has risen from the dead. First Mary – she doesn’t recognise Him until He says her name. The two disciples on the road to Emmaus. They walk a few MILES with Him while He explains the connections between scripture prophecy and what happened to Him. It is probably at least a couple of hours later, when he broke bread at their house, that they suddenly realised. That to me was the oddest situation because it took them sooo long to recognise Him. But afterwards they excitedly discussed how their hearts had ‘burned within them’.

These two accounts of Jesus got me wondering what I miss because of my false expectations or because something is out of its normal context.

·       Do I take note of my responses in situations?

·       Is my body telling me that something I’m hearing is touching what my heart yearns for?

·       How about when I am pushing away the voice that is warning me to back off making a decision I’m about to take?

I well remember employing someone who, on paper, had all the qualifications necessary for the job. They were also very personable. Yet I felt uneasy about it. I told myself it made no sense to feel like that. Sadly, the person demonstrated mental illness within a few weeks of taking on the job. The role was unhelpful to her and caused her great anxiety. I told myself I would not suppress such an inner voice again but I would take time to investigate if it had substance of not.

What have you missed noticing and what did you learn from it?