When what IS doesn’t seem to feel right anymore but we don’t know how to change things - and we may be afraid of change - it can be a time of desolation. God may seem far off and not helping much. Our faith may seem like an old coat that no longer fits.
It is during such a time that spiritual direction can be particularly helpful. A spiritual director doesn’t direct - they are more like a facilitator who helps the directee to explore their relationship with God. In that exploration they will feel the full support of the director and know that they can say exactly how they are feeling and what they are thinking without any fear of feeling judged. The director has an open heart and an open mind.
Religion sometimes can become like a straightjacket; I don’t know why that happens but I suspect it is to do with the human inclination to want to be in control. So we make rules - and even if they are not definite rules, there can be a feeling of what is expected of a person in that church community.
Yet God is endlessly creative and simply calls us into relationship with Father, Son and Holy Spirit - a relationship in itself. Relationships change over time so I wonder why it is that we feel we can’t ask the challenging questions. Why do we tolerate what is OK? Is it because we fear that opening up will create irreparable damage? Yet intimacy in the relationship is dulled and diminished when we are not able to be open with one another. And when we delay that honest communication, our expression of it can be the cause of the damage we fear.
Kind David was described as ‘a man after God’s own heart’ yet he led a far from perfect life and complained bitterly to God, as we can read in Psalms. So David was very honest with God in both how he felt let down by Him and how he loved, worshiped and delighted in his heavenly Father.
If you feel weary and heavy laden; if you feel you are in a desert place - maybe consider finding a spiritual director who can be your companion and support as you find your way back into a thriving relationship with the Trinity. Perhaps now is the time to commit to the nurturing of your earthly as well as your spiritual relationships in 2021.