Have you discovered what behaviours, in others, trigger you into a negative response?
It’s useful to know because you can then manage yourself in the situation.
I felt REALLY angry with someone a couple of years ago. We disagreed over a subject that we both felt strongly about. No big deal normally but, on that day, I was triggered. I retained the red-hot memory of the anger for over a year and found that other things were also making me have momentary bursts of anger. I didn’t like it. I didn’t think of myself as an angry person!
It was time to analyse what thoughts and emotional responses lay underneath the anger trigger.
Firstly, I noticed that my little bursts of anger were aimed at myself for not achieving, even simple tasks, as quickly or efficiently as I wanted. An age and stage thing.
I then returned to the disagreement that had triggered me and recognised that I had felt disrespected and invalidated which made me feel disempowered.
The ‘work’ I did on myself to be released from these uncomfortably negative emotions can be summed up as:
1. Accepting that my age and physical condition means that I am slower and less able to do some things. That’s OK. That’s life. I’m very fortunate to be as healthy and able as I am. So now I plan in more time and enjoy taking things a little slower.
2. I have developed an acceptance of my self-worth and have far less dependence on gaining self-esteem from others.
It is as important for me to value and be kind to myself as it is to extend those gifts to others. My hope is that using my own experience as an example will resonate with you readers, in some way or another, because I would like to help you get to the other side of your triggers -whatever they are. Personally, I explored this with my spiritual director and it could also have been done with the support of a coach.
What are the triggers that take you into anger, self-pity, despair, frustration etc., etc.?
I can help either by coaching or through spiritual direction. Do get in touch for a complimentary discovery Zoom call.
