Discover and Use Your Talents

Good morning, afternoon or evening - depending on where you live as you read or listen to this post.

At the beginning of my day I listened to someone talking about how we use the talents that have been given to us. It doesn’t matter whether they are important in the eyes of the world or modest. The point is that we use those abilities, and develop them and, as we do, notice that makes life flow better. To those who have been given much, much will be expected of them. You may wish for skills that you see in others, but start where you are and develop what you have been given.

I remember saying to a colleague one day “thank you for your smile and welcome each day - it helps me to feel positive about the day ahead”. She had a natural ability to make people coming through the door to feel welcome. She happened to be the receptionist but she could have used that natural talent in hospitality or, if she wanted to travel, as a member of an aeroplane cabin crew; roles where that natural ability of hers would be really important.

When you are aware of the skills that come naturally to you, you can use them in all areas of life. And, if we think of the workplace, there are roles that will suit those skills and, as you develop them, you will be able to make the most of what has been given to you. Your attention to detail will make events run smoothly, your ability with numbers will make your company keep good accounts, your creative ideas will keep your company on the cutting edge of your sector, your love of learning how things work will make you build powerful engines. You see?

I love to see people make the most of their talents; sometimes they need to start by recognising what those are. Easy to make light of the things that come naturally to us. Then comes the discovery of the many ways those talents could be used with experience in the appropriate roles and training in some relevant areas. There might be work to do in order to develop your self-confidence.

I love coaching because I see people become empowered to be the fullness of who they are. They might want coaching in respect of gaining a promotion, finding out who they are after years of trying to be like someone else, they may feel powerless under the dominance of a colleague or family member.

Whatever your need, I would love to support you to be set free to thrive in the fullness of who you were always destined to be. That is why I offer a free discovery call so that you can decide if I am the sort of person with whom you can be totally honest and sense that you will feel safe as I encourage you to step outside the box and remove the blockages you have felt keep tripping you up.

Please contact me and let’s start the conversation.

Holistic Coaching

There is an aspect around the types of coaching that is similar to the way HR is organised in different companies. Some will break down the HR function into specialisms such as employment law, learning & development or reward, and some will have people labelled as ‘generalist’. I’ve worked in that final category both in the corporate sector and for small and medium sized charities. Then within coaching you get the Executive Coaches; Health Coaches; Recruitment Coaches - many, many more specialist areas. Sometimes we refer to the specialism as a niche.

Whilst I think of myself as a generalist kind of a coach - because I’ve coached people wanting to retire, be a stand up comic, wanting a successful relationship, wanting promotion at work - etc., etc. I also see that my niche thread, that runs through it all, is to see each person empowered to be set free to thrive as the best version of themselves - within whatever situation they find themselves and whatever issue they are doing battle with and feeling disempowered by.

In HR I would say to colleagues that the whole person comes to work and that they are not just the the embodiment of their job title and related responsibilities. They don’t leave the rest of their life at the door of the office. This means that when I coach, I’m looking for the blocks in their life that are preventing them from showing up in the strength of their abilities and gaining the life that they are longing to lead - whether that be an enhancement of what they have or a complete change. These blocks can be long-standing habits or self-perception that has been ingrained over the years through upbringing or negative life experiences.

If you know that the TRUE YOU is not showing up, there can be no better time than NOW to change that. Now is the time to release your true potential, to stop making excuses, to courageously admit to yourself what you want in life and then make plans to achieve it, having kicked away the blocks that have been tripping you up over all these years.

Message me to set up an exploratory call; the cost of that is nothing and it will open the door to SO much.

Tantrum to Insights

I didn’t start last week well (sorry for a bit of repetition from Tuesday’s post but I’ve reflected further and have more to say). You know how it is when a LOT of small things that do not get resolved wear you down? Well here were some of the contributing factors:

1. The lawnmower came back from a service and, when I started it, black smoke puffed out and it stopped working so is now back with the service people

2. The laptop and printer won’t talk; HP sent me a new printer but the new one is also not communicating so I guess it has to be a laptop problem; still unresolved

3. The shower leaks; waited for the plumber who said it’s the seal and crack in grouting so a tiler is needed - not found one yet who can come before February

4. This is the big one - my vision of creating a garden for quiet days and retreats needs some landscaping and I’m too arthritic to do it all

5. I couldn’t find the power cable for the printer and searched high and low for 2 days

So on Monday it all came to a head and I angrily asked God why He wasn’t helping me. I felt very sorry for myself.

The thread running through all of this is that they were all problems that I couldn’t fix. I needed help.

The second point is that I found the missing cable a couple of days after my tantrum; it was exactly where it should have been but was cunningly disguised by being muddled up with another cable - so I didn’t see it.

It was time to coach myself. My question was “What are these frustrations teaching you Shelagh?” And my insights were:

1. We all need help from time to time. It is often pride that stops us from admitting it. It is nice for people to be able to help - that’s what fosters collaboration and grows a compassionate society.

   • I decided to reach out via a neighbourhood website and two people have offered to come and help with the heavy garden work

2. Sometimes we don’t see what is right under our nose. It might be because we are so caught up in what is going wrong that this blurs our vision. Or perhaps we just can’t discern between the good and the best of different options

So what are you tolerating? What are the frustrations in your life? What is the vision that seems beyond your reach to bring into being? What might you be missing as you look without discernment?

I’d love to work with you as your coach to help you transform your situation. It might be a big change that is needed or something subtle - like the small movement of a boat’s rudder that takes you to a very different destination.

Message me and tell me what going on in your life; I listen attentively, reflect back what I hear for clarity and ask questions that will crack open issues to their heart and root and stand with you as you decide how to move forward.

Burying Your Talent

So, there’s this great story of a man going away on a journey and speaking to three men who worked for him. He gave one 3 talents (one talent being worth about 20 years of a labourer’s wages = a lot), one 2 talents and to the third 1 talent. You may be familiar with this story. The first two men used their talents and doubled their worth by the time the boss came back. But the third thought about all the trouble he might get into if his choices went wrong and so he just buried it.

Right - now think of talents being things you are good at or would love to have the opportunity to use, if you had the chance, rather than money. Now consider what you don’t do because you are afraid it might go wrong. As a result, you bury the talent that you would like to use because you know you have much to learn in order for it to add value in the workplace or enhance your out of work life.

Hmmm. What is stirring in you right now?

About 17 years ago I had a friend (yes really!) and he seemed to me to be full of unused talents. So I gave him the benefit of my advice and continued to encourage him. That was my perspective anyway. He, on the other hand, got fed up with it and ended up saying “Shelagh, I know you think you know what is best for me but I don’t agree and I don’t want to change”. That cut continued to hurt for some time. All I wanted to do was help. But I needed to learn how to do so effectively. My talent needed to be ‘invested’.

About 8 years later I trained to be a coach. Here I learned how to listen at a deep level; how to ask big open questions that would help my clients think outside their self-limitations. I learned that my desire to help people was best served in journeying with them as they discovered for themselves what they wanted from life and to make their own decisions based on their learning and not from someone else’s advice. Of course there is a time and place for advice to be given, but not by the coach. We exist to serve our clients and use our training and experience to help and encourage them as they learn more about themselves, the desires of their heart, the reality of their situation and the possibilities and options that are there for the taking.

What a privilege it is. I’m so glad that the sting of my friend’s comment eventually led me to find a way of helping that would be effective and liberating for my clients; and also a way of relating to family and friends that keeps me listening and asking questions that help me understand them and their situation better.

If you would like to get a feel of what it is like to have the support of a coach, please message me and we can have an exploratory chat. I’m for you.

Blue skies and sunshine

Sometimes life can feel relentless - rain, wind, difficult colleagues, passive people who make no effort. Then the sun comes out, you notice the buds on the shrubs and trees, in the garden or park, that promise spring will bring colour and warmth after the winter - and something within you feels like that bud that is waiting for its situation to change so it can burst forth. Oh yes you can! Whatever it is, if it’s a yearning that feels forever a pregnancy and never a birth - yes you can. And you may need a midwife to help, encourage and tend to you through the process!

I love working with people, hearing their stories and the things that have got in the way of them fulfilling dreams and ambitions. Then, when they have felt it all hopeless, a new way of looking at a situation brings a shaft of light. Take Darren (not his real name), his heart was in his boots. Constant changes in the team, changes in offices that and management had left him feeling disrespected, side-lined and plain lonely at work. He thought of how it had been a few years before when the team worked together creatively and felt sad for the loss. We explored what he really wanted, deep down. He told me his dream would be to take early retirement but that was impossible.

So we looked at the ways that he might make changes at work that would make things better. He wanted to do that. Then he became ready to think of the ‘impossible’ and he started to take some small steps into conversations with the relevant people, it became less impossible. Gradually he felt empowered to ask for what he wanted, having planned who to talk to, what he would say and how he would approach it all. I’m happy to say that he got the happy ending to his career that he wanted and now travels the country with his wife and the caravan and gets better and better as a painter and blesses various charities with his volunteering. A happy fulfilled life that he had thought impossible to achieve so early.

There are many such stories that I have from my courageous clients; and the sunshine in my life comes out when I see that look on their face when they realise that the change they want IS possible.

What situation is making you sad today?

What change, even if small, would bring the sun out from behind the clouds?

Would you like some ‘midwife’ support from me to bring that change about?

Got to or Get to?

Words are powerful - we all know and have experienced that fact. They are creative - it is interesting that the Bible says that God spoke and the world was created. Whatever your position on faith, for a very long time the creative space that words influence has had it’s effect upon us. So why do we use them so carelessly or, worse, intentionally destructively?

Another thing that is generally agreed upon is that we respond better to encouragement than judgement - the carrot rather than the stick. By and large people (and animals) are eager to please and want to do well. We want to please those we love and do well in our jobs. So I wonder why we have media communication that always seems to look at the worst possible scenarios of any situation. Why do news interviewers drill and goad ministers and experts to ‘admit’ that the worst might happen. This results in fear, disillusionment and disempowerment - and that makes us less effective.

So here’s a very simple thing that might help to bring some positivity into your day (taken from a talk by Tina Brigley): When you are feeling like you have to do something that you are not keen on, replace I’ve Got to with I GET to. Example: I loathe housework but I’ve GOT to do it because I don’t like my home messy. When I say I GET to do housework I have a whole new perspective = I’m fortunate to have a house to clean. I’m not keen on writing policies but they have to be done; so I GET to do them and thereby ensure that there is clarity in the workplace for my colleagues about health & safety or maternity leave etc., etc.

Have a go - what have you GOT to do today that can be positively reframed when you GET to do it? Let me know.