CHAOS BEFORE SELF-ADAPTATION

 There was so much in the news yesterday about problems with gas supply, and price, and the knock-on effects for farmers, businesses and households.

Those who study environmental issues learn that when something happened which upset and caused ‘chaos’ to the system, our clever environment, with all its plants and creatures, adapted. (Those scientists will then tell you that the world is having trouble in adapting fast enough to the changes humans are currently making – but that doesn’t fit with my message!)

When life throws a curve ball at us and it feels like our life has descended into chaos, we are given an opportunity to adapt. To find new ways of doing things or relating to people.

Steering your way through times of chaos can be daunting. That is where a coach can be so helpful. Our brain can become numbed when life seems to be disintegrating before our eyes; so observations and carefully crafted questions can help to untangle, settle the dust and begin to see a way forward.

Good CAN come out of negative situations, so don’t despair. Get a coach – preferably me!

GROW UP

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” (1 Corinthians, 13:11)

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.” (Marianne Williamson)

I wonder what proportion of us remain in a junior role because we are fearful that we are not good enough for promotion. I wonder how many of us neglect or suppress our own wishes because we capitulate to a forceful character in our life. So, we remain child-like or play small.

1.     Is it time to grow up, take responsibility for your life and go after your dreams?

2.     Now is definitely the time to stop listening to voices that tell you that you are not as important, valued or loved as others are.

3.     This is your time; your time to have a career instead of a job.

4.     It is your season to find and fulfil your potential – in all aspects of life – and offer the world the full version of yourself.

I would love to help you unpack this and find your way into personal and professional freedom and fulfilment. My contact information is in the first comment. We can start with a complimentary call to start the exploration.

SUN AND ICE CREAM

Yesterday I actually spent an hour sitting on a lounger and eating ice cream. A taste of summer.

My grandson was sleeping and everything was very quiet and peaceful. I thought about dozing but actually, just watching what was going on around me was more refreshing to my soul.

·       So, I watched the starlings suddenly take off and follow their leader – and I thought about leadership and how a person can inspire people to follow them.

·       I watched the butterflies and bumble bees painting the Lavender and Buddleia like jewels and thought of how these simple insects contribute to the sustenance of our world through pollination.

·       I noticed the different flowers and fruit that bring colour to my garden at this time of year and thought of how some people will be with us for life and others for a season.

An hour of quiet attention to what was going on around me gave me a deeper sense of rest and refreshment than dozing would have. What, I wonder, do we miss because we rush from one thing to another rather than stopping and watching now and again.

Every day I see new or improved skills in my grandson – I notice more than I did with his mum because I was cooking for a hotel when she was a baby.

·       What might you notice about your colleagues, family or friends if you occasionally spent some unrushed time with them?

GIVING FEEDBACK

Brené Brown gives some excellent tips on feedback. This is SUCH an important skill for us all to learn. Give it with grace, compassion and courage at work, within family and friendship relationships and even at our club or church when called for. Here are Brené’s tips:

I know I am ready to give feedback when:

1. I’m ready to sit next to you rather than across from you.

2. I’m willing to put the problem in front of us rather than between us (or sliding it toward you).

3. I’m ready to listen, ask questions, and accept that I may not fully understand the issue.

4. I want to acknowledge what you do well instead of picking apart your mistakes.

5. I recognize your strengths and how you can use them to address your challenges.

6. I can hold you accountable without shaming or blaming you.

7. I’m willing to own my part.

8. I can genuinely thank you for your efforts rather than criticize you for your failings.

9. I can talk about how resolving these challenges will lead to your growth and opportunity.

10. I can model the vulnerability and openness that I expect to see from you.

See if you can weave these tips into current circumstances. If you’d like support – please get in touch. I have other feedback guidance to share too.

SEASONAL LIFE

As I do, I’m pondering while looking out into the garden. Today I have 8 Greenfinches tucking into sunflower seeds. They come and go, as does a Woodpecker. The Blue Tits, Great Tits, Robins and Goldfinches are regulars. I have no idea why the greenfinches visit for a few days and then disappear for weeks. I don’t need to. I accept that is what they do and simply enjoy their presence when they are here.

I have some friends who do not keep in touch but on the rare occasions we meet up, it’s like we were together yesterday. I sometimes think it would be nice to chew the fat with them more often but accept that is the way they are. And that’s OK.

What might you need to simply enjoy for what it is rather than what you might want it to be?

What peace might be grown in your life if you embraced that acceptance?

If this simple post resonates with you and you’d like to explore it further, please get in touch. We can start with a taster session via either coaching or spiritual direction.

VALUING OTHERS

As I pondered the human tragedy of Afghanistan, I asked myself questions that seemed related in some way, which were around how I/we value others. Here are some that challenged me in my safe world.

1.      How do we demonstrate our values in our work, within our family and in our social circle?

2.      When someone needs our support – how do we discern when the time has come to help them stand in their own strength?

3.      When someone lets us down, how do we respond?

4.      If we have a boss at work or a senior member of the family who tries to control what we do or how we do it, do we go along with it for a peaceful life or stand up to them?

I heard yesterday about a woman in her first job, being publicly criticised by the CEO over the content of her presentation. Later she was told by a colleague that he does that to everyone and she had done well in the circumstances. Allegedly this boss is kind at other times.

•        What advice would you give her?

•        Would you have spoken up for her at that meeting?

•        Whose role is it to let a CEO, or other person in a powerful position, know that their behaviour is bullying?

These questions may not have an easy answer. What’s your take on the above?

THE CHANGING WORKPLACE

My garden has been waterlogged since the autumn, so I need to make changes such as

planting some soggy-mud-loving plants and putting those that need good drainage into pots.

Placing a plant is easier than a person because people don’t always tell you if they are struggling. Covid forced us to adapt to working from home and now there’s more change to come as many employees wish to work flexibly in the office and at home.

How are you coping?

What worries are keeping you awake at night?

What about motivational team issues?

What is the quality of communication?

Who doesn’t feel part of the team (e.g. those who joined during lockdown)?

Who longs for a return to those spontaneous chats over coffee and the related peer learning?

If you are a leader – what strategies need to be put in place to ensure the organisation is going to survive, that staff will be committed to its vision and mission and to one another?

So much to think about and decide upon when you are still reeling from changes that have already taken place.

As your coach, I can help you to consider the present and the future strategically, creatively and compassionately. Let’s have a complimentary call to give you a taste of the efficacy of coaching.

USING ALL OUR SENSES

Take a look at the beautiful quilts below.

Take a few deep breaths as you do so.

Which are you drawn to?

Allow your gaze to take in all the details.

What are you noticing?

Now listen to your inner self.

What is this lovely work of art helping you to perceive today?

Sometimes it helps if we take a step outside of logic.

When we disengage the busy mind, our other senses can speak to us too – sight, smell, touch and that inner voice of guidance.

Now, maybe, get a tea or coffee and absorb the lessons from the quilt a little more.

Enjoy.

ALL CHANGE!

It is all change for me from this week.

I start childcare of my 10-month-old grandson for two days per week.

Next month I start a 9-month course related to my spiritual direction work.

Therefore, my coaching and spiritual direction appointments can no longer be spread over any old day.

What is changing for you over the next couple of months?

Are you looking forward to the changes or are you anxious?

If anxious, are your fears based on fact or assumption or simply nervousness of the unknown?

It can often help to name the fears and look at what feeds them.

I get nervous if I have a journey to make. I have many stories of getting lost when driving and also getting on the wrong train (e.g. thinking I’m going to Clapham Junction and ending up in Rochester!).

I have no sense of direction so can’t get myself out of trouble when I go wrong.

Those past instances created a fear when a journey was to be made. I notice it rising in my stomach and, these days, I remind myself that it is not a tragedy and I always get to the destination in the end and that I now have the blessing of Satnav.

How do you speak to yourself to quell anxiety?

Get in touch if you’d like help.

HEARTBREAK

The love of your life doesn’t feel the same way about you.

The dream job has been given to someone else.

The perfect house has been sold to a higher bidder.

It’s not just the fact of each of the above that breaks your heart; it’s the dreams that you connected to them and the resultant expectations.

Dashed.

Shredded.

Friends tell you that time will heal. No comfort in those words; the pain is too intense.

Because you are telling yourself that you weren’t good enough or intelligent enough or rich enough.

I’d love to spend time with you in a coaching relationship to help you see the true you in order to discern the sort of person best suited to you; the role that will fit like a glove; the home to be made with resources you have that will make you sigh with pleasure when you turn the key each time you return.

Let’s talk.

LEARN THE UNFORCED RHYTHMS OF GRACE

What do these words mean for you?

What effect do these words have on you?

How do your body, mind, emotions and spirit respond?

I’d love to know.

TOOLS, SKILLS, ROLE, DEVELOPMENT

Below is a picture of three people. All very different from one another.

Is it appropriate that the male adult is offering the drill to the 10-month-old?

How will the baby use the spanner that he currently has in his mouth?

Is there any chance he will guess which nut to tighten? I think not.

We don’t just need ‘tools for the trade’, we need everyone to know what their part of the work is and, if they do not have the tools, to equip them.

If they do not have the skills, to train them.

First of all, we need to know what that person can already do and make a judgement as to their current capabilities and work with them a while to ascertain their potential. If it is there, then we invest in them with training to develop the skills needed.

What do you need in your team – now and for the future?

What do you already have in your team?

Who is a good and who is a poor fit for the role they have been given?

Who will you invest in?

How are your mentoring skills?

How good are you at recognising potential?

If you want to develop your skills, in order to develop your team, get in touch and let’s start with a complimentary discovery call.

PROCRASTINATION/WISDOM/COURAGE

You have a problem with someone – ‘Hamish’.

There is a conversation that needs to take place.

Hamish is a dominant and controlling person.

And he is committed and compassionate.

He is also abysmally lacking in self-awareness.

You like him and see the negative impact he has on the team.

Nobody else is stepping up.

Now Hamish is pushing for a project which the team think is foolhardy.

He has confided in you that he is taking anti-depressants.

You want to overcome fear and have the courage to speak to Hamish but are holding back.

Is it wisdom? Waiting for a time when Hamish is better and can ‘hear’ you?

Is your procrastination likely to endanger the small organisation if you take Hamish’s project forward?

The above is not just about having a conversation about one dilemma.

This is about you living and working in an empowered state and having courage to speak out, however difficult the situation appears to be.

It will be good for you, ultimately good for Hamish if he listens to you, and good for the organisation.

A coach can support you in this sort of area of personal development and bring about lasting transformation for you and for those you subsequently mentor.

Get in touch to get the ball rolling with a free discovery call.

HOW TO WIN AT FOOTBALL

·       Plan your strategy for the game, taking into consideration the opponent.

·       Choose the players most suited to the game and make changes as the developing situation dictates.

·       Make sure you keep in sight the players who you can pass to.

·       Plan and practise, balancing different skills in the team.

·       Don’t hog the ball to yourself.

·       Do not hold, push or trip anyone else.

·       Do not pretend to have been tripped/hurt when you have not.

HOW TO WIN IN LIFE

·       Work out what you want out of life, taking into consideration your opportunities and constraints.

·       Choose who you spend time with, discerning the best mentors for different stages of life.

·       Collaborate and bring on the people with talent at work and spend time with those who bring you joy personally.

·       Be confident in your strengths and humble in your attitude.

·       Don’t advance yourself at the cost of someone else.

·       Be honest and transparent.

If you know you have untapped potential and want to unleash it – allow me the privilege of offering my coaching skills to support you and make it happen. Contact me for a free discovery call so you can ‘taste and see’ what my coaching can help you achieve.

DEADHEADING IN LIFE

To keep roses flowering, you need to remove the blooms that have started to drop their petals. This prevents energy going into making seed heads and encourages new flowers to form.

How is your life’s garden?

Are you knowingly keeping a spent flower because you WANT to foster some seeds to make new plants?

If not, what are the areas of life/work that have given their beauty but now need to be cleared away to encourage other parts to grow?

How are those faded blooms masking the beauty of the emerging buds or simply hindering new growth?

As your coach I have some great questions that will help you identify what is getting in the way of your life blossoming with fresh fragrant blooms of ideas and actions to make them happen! That’s why we call an initial, complimentary, conversation a ‘discovery’ call. Often in that first session, you will identify something that needs to be ‘deadheaded’.

Don’t put off clearing away the things that are holding you back. Get in touch.

EFFECTIVE LINE MANAGEMENET

Who was the best line manager you ever had?

I bet they displayed the following 10 attributes:

1.     They knew the name of your partner (+children and pets) and your hobbies

2.     They were approachable and listened to you

3.     They had regular one to one meetings with you.

4.     They were clear about the #expectations of your role

5.     They discussed and agreed your short-term #objectives with you

6.     They gave you helpful #feedback about your #performance which encouraged you to be honest with them about things that didn’t go well

7.     They were interested in your professional development and provided #opportunities for you to #learn

8.     They gave #praise when you did well

9.     They were #honest about their own mistakes

10.  They generally led by example.

It is a sad fact that few organisations give specific training on line management when they promote their staff into such a role, or recruit someone who hasn’t had that experience.

If you are a new or struggling line manager, I’d like to give you a free discovery call because I can help you #transform the situation and become a great line manager. No more worries in the night about how to do your job! Time to invest in your own professional development. Please get in touch.

#linemanagement #professionaldevelopment #coaching

REST

For your body

For your mind

For your emotions

For your soul

The year has enforced a rest from some of the frenetic activities that we engaged in pre-pandemic – clubs, visits to family and friends, work place etc., etc. For some, this has meant a slower pace of life and it has helped us to see how much we were living with one eye on the clock, squeezing in the things we had planned for the day.

How was that for you?

For others, the pandemic meant home schooling on top of trying to fit in working hours from home. It meant not getting the social activity that felt essential to wellbeing. For parents it was also trying to keep children engaged and not spending all their time on screen.

How was that for you?

What changes would you now like to make to retain what was good and not pick up what you perceive to have caused you to live a life under pressure that led to stress and the knock-on negative effects on your body, mind, emotions and soul?

I invite you to jump on a free discovery call with me to make sense of it all and move towards a lifestyle of your choosing.

CELEBRATING SUCCESS

How do you #celebrate the #successes of your staff or your family members when you are also aware that there are some in that grouping who will probably never be the one who will ‘qualify’ for that celebration?

In one organisation I worked in we had a monthly ‘Achiever’ award. After a while, I became aware that some members of staff felt #overlooked and #undervalued. What started as a staff #engagement/recognition initiative was being perceived negatively. I questioned myself:

1.     How do you give an achiever award to someone who consistently does good work but, because of that, doesn’t stand out in a particular month?

2.     Some people fulfil their job without going the extra mile; but that’s OK isn’t it? They may be taking care of their work-life balance.

3.     Then there are those who get by, do their best, but never shine – how do you encourage them?

Perhaps the name of the award was the problem. Everyone has something to offer that can be appreciated – maybe rename it the ‘Appreciation Award’. Appreciate generosity of time or effort; kindness and support; a project finished; a report well received etc., etc.

Words are powerful and intentions easily misunderstood; let’s communicate well and consider possible unintended consequences when we initiate an idea.

TRUTH Vs PERSPECTIVE

Several years ago, I heard about a man who used his power to bully. He was the Chair of a charity and had great influence. Another charity received funding from them and decisions were made that appeared to the receiving charity to be unfair, unethical and to betray the agreements and trust between them. I thought badly of this man who was apparently not living to the values his bio would have caused you to believe.

Fast forward to yesterday. I looked up the leaders of another charity. I wanted to read about the person who had been such a wonderful, open-hearted employer to a friend of mine. She had been through three years of discerning her future path. This employer greatly valued her and was prepared to employ her for whatever hours she felt able to give as she explored avenues. He displayed generosity, kindness, support, flexibility and patience beyond anything I’ve ever come across.

You’ve guessed it. The same person. Two different stories with different players.

Who are you judging today?

Is it truth or perspective?

What else might be true?

And how might your words or actions be negatively perceived by others?

DISAPPOINTMENT

On Saturday morning my daughter and I received a swarm of bees into our prepared hive.

SUCH excitement. The planning and dreaming of the last 2 years came to fruition.

4 hours later the queen took them away. The air was full of bees and the loud hum of the swarm. Then all was silent. They were gone. We felt bereaved. No explanation – it often happens. There will be another swarm.

Sometimes our disappointment is for a promotion not given, a job not offered, a relationship unfulfilled. When there is no explanation and we are not able to rationalise it, all we can do is accept it and turn our eyes to future possibilities. It’s hard to sit in unknowing.

If you feel you are living in unrelenting disappointment and it is making you heartsick, lift your eyes up and take heart from the strength of the trees who demonstrate the seasons of life so well. Letting something longed for go is tough but needs to happen to allow the new to come.