THE CHAOTIC MINDSET

I regularly have clients come to me with what feels like chaos in their life/mind - like a tangled hose or ball of wool. They don’t know where to start and discouragement and a sense of defeat set in .

Enter the coach – me I hope; together we identify the strands, tweak and pull until we can see the whole picture and start to identify what to keep and what to put aside or bin.

What has served you in the past is not necessarily what will be needed for the future you are sensing it is time to move into. This discernment is a vital part of the coaching journey. And with a coach as your sounding board, asking the searching questions to enlarge your thinking, you will feel your energy rise as possibilities present themselves.

Frequently I find that a client will have had words spoken over or about them that have restricted how they view themselves. Those are definitely for the bin!

What is holding you back from the future that you glimpse now and again and yearn for? What natural talents are being held down? I’d love to help you set yourself free to choose the path that will lead to your thriving and fulfilment. Please get in touch for a complimentary discovery call.

#Coaching #Chaos #Mindset #Discouragement #Defeat #Discernment #Energy #Possibilities #Freedom #Fulfilment

COACHING'S A FUNNY OLD THING

Every now and again I muse on the #simplicity of #coaching and the profound #impact it has.

Sometimes the most obvious kind of question can #unlock something that has been holding the client back for years.

Compare this, if you like, to how the slightest of movement of a boat’s small rudder takes you to a very different destination.

I also think that a great coach is #gifted to some extent – you can teach coaching methodology but without that natural gift thrown in it’s like a meal without seasoning.

There is also the need to find a coach who offers an approach that will be well suited to you. This is why most of us offer an initial complimentary session. That way you have the opportunity to test whether you feel able to trust them to support and challenge you into the voyage of discovery that coaching brings.

My delight, as a coach, is in witnessing clients move FROM chaos/despair/boredom/frustration/disempowerment INTO vision/action/joy/energy/courage/power – and many more adjectives!

Have you considered coaching but doubted whether it would ‘work’ for you and be worth the investment? An invitation: check out a few coaches – what they write about themselves and what their clients say? Time to get off the couch and get a coach – no regrets.

DON'T GIVE ADVICE!

I recently listened to Dare to Lead Podcast | Brené Brown (brenebrown.com). Well worth the hour to soak in the sound reasons for avoiding giving advice (a conversation with Michael Bungay Stanier, author of ‘The Advice Trap’). Here are just a few nuggets that resonated with me on the dangers of giving advice:

1.     You may be working on the wrong problem

2.     Your advice may not be as good as you think it is

3.     Hold the space for them to figure things out for themselves

4.     Help is the sunny side of control

As Michael says to Brené, “when people ask you for advice, every bone in your body wants to give it”. I identify with that. Probably that is my stuff – pride wanting recognition and respect. But I am a coach because I am dedicated to empowering others to be authentically themselves and live and work to their potential and fulfilment. This means my role is to facilitate them finding their own way forward.

Have a listen and let me know what thoughts and challenges resonated with you.

FEELING HAPPY

A few days ago, I realised that I am happy.

I felt surprised by the fact.

Why?

Two thoughts came to me:

1.     I was brought up to value the truth. So when people ask how I am, in recent years my response would be “Fine thanks, apart from the arthritis”. The positive was always  depleted by feeling I needed to show what wasn’t good as well as what was. Don’t boast Shelagh or make anyone think your life is a piece of cake!

2.     I don’t think I’ve ever FELT quite so happy. The things that are not positive are not dampening this feeling.

What has changed?

My life is now fulfilling without being overly stretched or under pressure.

The work I do, family support I give and garden I tend, are hugely satisfying.

I’ve lived a life of spinning plates and this is the first season when I can savour the moment. I recognise that I really don’t like rushing. I don’t like being under pressure. Is that age and stage or was it always so? I believe it has always been so and I didn’t recognise it.

How are you doing?

What might you learn about yourself by reviewing your pace of life? Lockdown pressed a pause button for many – what did you notice?

Taking time to reflect on your life can be time well spent. If you’d like to chat this through, let’s have a complimentary discovery call.

FRIDAY ON MY MIND

Is Friday on your mind today – Tuesday?!

What is preventing you from taking #action?

Whatever the reasons, it is time to consider what would sort of working role would make Friday come around quickly – time flies when you are #enjoying yourself.

It’s time to dream, #visualise, recognise what needs to #change and then #plan for it.

·       You may find that your current employer can offer you what you want.

·       Maybe you will need to get some #training and could do that in your own time or negotiate reduced hours to do so.

The point is that we are at work too many hours to be #tolerating it rather than #thriving.

I’ve not yet had a client who did not find a way of #improving what they were fed up with.

For some it was just a small change that made all the difference, plus appreciating what they had, and for others it was a more #radical change.

In all cases it was important to get real about the current situation, share #hopes and #dreams, and then work on the ways by which they could be realised.

As your #coach I am committed to #supporting you as you consider differing #perspectives and #options, followed by planning actions. I’ll #challenge you, cheer you on and help you to hold your dreams and reality in a healthy balance. Please get in touch for a complimentary discovery call.

DISCERNMENT

This is a skill in itself. Some are naturally gifted but it can also be learned through reflection and testing.

We all have big decisions to make in life – who to marry, where to live, if and when to have children, when to go for promotion/another job or start our own business. Some may be easy to make but in a world that showers us with choices, we can feel like the proverbial rabbit caught in the headlights.

There are many ways of ‘knowing’ and we do well to pay attention to all. Here are a few questions to get you going:

  •      Imagine yourself to be a bird of prey circling above the ground where all your options are laid out; which draws you the most to swoop down and grab?

  •      Now imagine you’ve made your choice – how do you feel about it? Where in your body is that feeling located?

  •      Taking paper and pen, what are the pros and cons of your choice?

  •      Now imagine NOT choosing that option; how do you feel about that?

  •      How would making or not making that choice impact your life 3 years from now?

There are so many questions and possible answers. A coach can help you find your way through the forest of choice by helping you to develop your ability to discern.

New Life

NEW LIFE

Easter eggs, baby chicks, lambs – all speak of new life. The Easter story starts with a death on Good Friday that is inexplicable to the followers of Jesus. Then the in-between day on Saturday – living with the horrible truth of what had happened, the dreams and expectations that have been crushed. Yet this was followed by the extraordinary new life that came on the Sunday, bringing joy beyond measure.

As we travel through life there will be many ‘easter’ experiences. We will feel let down, or perhaps we will feel we have let people down. We will have to live with the grim reality of the outcomes of actions of our own or of others. But the sun is always behind the clouds and it WILL shine again. There will be new opportunities, light to be found after darkness and new life to be experienced in abundance, bringing joy.

Have a hope-filled Easter weekend.

 

#newlife #hope #joy #disappointment #light #death #reality #opportunity

Embed Block
Add an embed URL or code. Learn more

Authenticity

AUTHENTICITY

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect.”~ Brené Brown

There are many words that have been so over-used that we respond cynically when we hear them or are no longer impacted. Unprecedented, for instance, we’ve heard that a LOT haven’t we?

Authenticity is another – and no wonder, because we feel compelled to search for it in ourselves and in others. In a world of hype and fake news we hunger and thirst for truth.

I think Brené Brown’s explanation of the word is very helpful.

Many coaches, like me, are concerned with supporting our clients to climb outside of the restrictions of our ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ and shed the ill-fitting clothes of being what we think others expect from us. To stand up courageously in the imperfection that is our authentic self may take some practise.

Are you up for exploring that? May I be of assistance? Let’s have a free discovery call.

NEW NEURAL PATHWAYS

Watching my 6-month old grandson learning is fascinating. Every day he can do something new or improve his technique. Today I noticed that he had worked out which end of the spoon and toothbrush to put into his mouth.

He watches me closely - when I speak, he watches my mouth. He is creating the neural pathways that will help him form behavioural habits.

Whatever your age, you can create new habits. You can CHOOSE to act differently if you want to. Old habits may die hard but your new pathway will soon become an easy-to-use motorway. You just need to keep go that way.

So, choose to speak up. Choose to put your idea forward. Choose to say no. Choose to call out unpleasant behaviour. Choose to have a change of career. Unleash your inner power and reach for the desires of your heart.

If such choices seem too difficult, get in touch so I can show you the bold and courageous person waiting to be set free. I’m inviting you to have a free discovery call to start envisioning the future you want and the way to get there. I’m the ‘SwissChamp Red Army Knife’ that offers options for every situation and I’m at your service!

TWILIGHT

TWILIGHT

 Would you describe yourself as being ‘in the twilight of life’?

Perhaps you are heading for retirement age.

OR

Maybe something in life is coming to an end.

How do you feel about it? Change is coming and perhaps it is simply inevitable or unwelcome.

What opportunities might there be?

When I hit 50 I felt I needed therapy but when 60 came, after a moment of hesitation, I recognised there was a peace. I’ve had several career changes and I’m currently building my coaching and spiritual direction business, which feels good. Working in the area I love most – helping people to grow into the fullness of themselves. I do not have any need to compete; I feel no desire to fill my calendar up to make mega bucks because I like living at a slower, more contemplative, pace. No more commuting long distances and, because I’m no longer spinning plates, I can give people my undivided attention.

 If you are in that twilight time, or facing the ending of something, you might benefit from considering what is important to you at this age and stage of life.

I’d love to support you to think wide and deep – outside of any self-imposed limitations. Do book a complimentary discovery call with me to start your new adventure.

Hard on yourself?

Well are you?
How did that inner critic get a foothold?
We will have differing and also similar answers to that and my guess is that most of us, at least for some part of our lives, will suffer from this #self-critical plague.

My father was dedicated to wanting the best for his children and encouraged us to do better and work harder. Sadly, the impact on me was to feel that nothing I did was good enough.

You’ll be surprised to hear that I’m not perfect. No really, I’m not! My journey has, however, brought me to a place where I am better able to quietly put aside the unhelpfully critical voice because I know I’m working with the #skills and #experience I have, am fully committed and thoroughly enjoying my life. I’m not trying to be someone else’s idea of what I should be. Being fully myself, without having to apologise for what I’m not is a healthy place to be and from which to give.

Who is the #authentic, #true self that is you? My deep and widely exploratory #coaching questions can help you to #discover the answers that will bring #peace and #empowerment to your life and #satisfy and bring you #joy.

Who is trying to get out? - The human rights campaigner? Mechanic? Actor? Researcher? B&B host? Contact me so we can have a complimentary discovery call?


Noticing

NOTICING

Sometimes, particularly when we are under a LOT of #pressure, we go onto #auto-pilot. Life is too full, too discombobulated (!) and we stop #engaging. We don’t notice the colleague who is #struggling or the child or partner who wants our attention. Life is sucking the life out of us and all we can do is go through the motions. We may be short-tempered, forgetful and uncommunicative.

Does any of that resonate? The good news is that this state of affairs no longer needs to be tolerated – you just need a little help for a while to get the wind back in your sails.

I often begin my work with a new client by #encouraging them to do some quality #noticing. To demonstrate what I mean, I describe the difference between scratching the back of my hand with my nails and then imagining doing so with a graze on my hand. Ouch. The latter experience would be intense. Then I ask my clients to start actively noticing what energises them and what saps their enthusiasm – in all areas of life – so that their true self emerges.

There is always a way out of the numbness of #coping rather than #thriving. Don’t struggle on your own anymore; contact me for a #discovery call so you can start to see how #coaching can help you to leave winter behind and get a #spring in your step.

Vision and Direction

VISION AND DIRECTION

I’ve just been with a small group of friends, discussing my vision and the things that could get in the way.

As we talked, I had a new idea of how the direction of travel to the vision could be different.

My vision is to be able to have people come to my home and, particularly, the garden, for a quiet day. Perhaps having some coaching or spiritual direction from me during the day. But mostly to rest and get a sense of the peace that is beyond human understanding.

The humour of the situation is that my garden is surrounded by 9 others. One has a baby, one a 5-year-old, one is a child-minder and there are three girls who like screaming on a trampoline. Hmm, quiet days.

I wonder if my vision might be reached in an alternative way. Maybe the baby next door, my grandson, will be the means of my meeting worn out mums and grandparents who’ve lost their sense of identity in retirement. Perhaps they will need a cup of tea and an attentive listener and the sounds of children playing won’t matter.

Problems in the journey towards realising a vision may not be the detour or block you perceive; it might be that while you caught the vision, you just needed to adjust the pathway to achieving it. I could help you unpack this.

Work With The Grain

A lick of paint and it’ll look good as new.

Paper over the cracks; nobody will guess.

It’s just a white lie - nobody gets hurt.

But it’s not true - or it’s not the whole truth.

Don’t you want to be someone who can be trusted? The kind of person people go to for your wisdom and expertise?

Have you spent your whole life worrying that someone will find out you are not as ‘good’ as you have made out you are? Well - time to stop. Time to work with the grain of who you really are, stand tall and live with a healthy rhythm in life because you are using your natural gifts/skills and honing them so you can shine as the best of yourself. And if you’ve lost track of, or never really known, what your strengths are – time to discover them.

Wouldn’t that be nice/peaceful/fun/joy-giving/productive/fulfilling?

I remember a friend once saying that he could write me a CV that would get me any job I wanted. I was horrified. He said that I could then learn on the job and it is what most people do. Really? Not me; I want to sleep at night and get satisfaction and verbal affirmation for doing a good job!

I invite you to have a free call with me if any of this resonates and you want to rise to the challenges that will suit YOU.

Blowing my Trumpet

Nobody likes to hear someone boasting do they? However, when you are looking for a coach with whom you can feel comfortable, most of us would prefer to hear what their past clients have said about them. That way they can see if any of the comments made resonates with them. So here are some extracts taken from recommendations from my former clients. If you feel drawn by anything said and are wondering if a coach could help you in your current situation, please contact me for a complimentary call to explore if I might feel like the right fit for you.

  • I worked with Shelagh over a number of weeks She helped me to unblock creativity at work, improve  communication methods  with colleagues and overcome confidence issues. This was certainly instrumental to me achieving my goal of a promotion, salary increase, better work relations and higher confidence levels. She has a relaxing and warm manner and can help you see options will have beneficial outcomes. Sessions were enjoyable too. A big plus.

  • Shelagh has helped to clarify my often hidden (to me at least) strengths and goals, providing focus, direction and a more enjoyable approach to my work and has equipped me with skills to coach myself.

  • Shelagh is a committed professional with a high capacity to discern and understand the unique strengths and struggles of those she supports. She has the rare quality of walking alongside a wide range of staff and consultants, enabling each to grow through coaching to reach their full potential.

Humility is the oil

A friend of mine is enjoying reading the book “Remarkable” by Dr R Ross and D Salyers, which is described as a leadership parable. I was intrigued by some of the quotes she cited:

“Humility is the “oil” that allows you to shift smoothly into growth gear”. So how would you describe humility in this context? (Note that I haven’t read the book so I’m taking quotes out of context). I think this is the leader who listens attentively to the team. This kind of leader isn’t a know-it-all; they are constantly curious and willing to be flexible.

“Where trust is high, resistance is low, therefore change and progress come quickly.” When you feel heard you develop trust. You don’t have to fight or strive. Along with your colleagues you will come to decisions and that flow will enable progress.

“A compelling culture is created when people:

  • believe the best IN one another;

  • want the best FOR one another;

  • expect the best FROM one another.”

Expectations are so important. They give clarity and we can gain confidence as a result. That compelling culture is one I think we’d all like to work in. It’s interdependent and encouraging.

Do you want to be that kind of a leader? Now is the time to start developing your leadership skills. I’m here to help you explore how you can be the oil in the works. Get in touch to start the journey.

So many choices!

TOO MANY CHOICES

Sometimes I meet with clients who just have too many #choices! How on earth to choose between #options that are good and suit the skills and experience they have and/or their #vision for life.

This needs some careful #exploration of the choices. So some of my initial questions might be:

  • Tell me what you really love doing - this can be work related or hobbies or anything.

  • Where do you notice a crossover between what you love doing and the options you are considering?

  • As I go slowly through those options, just make a note of how you respond - physically, emotionally and mentally - while imagining yourself living that option.

Using the #imagination is extremely valuable in the process of #discernment and can amplify the logical listing of pros and cons. What do you long for? And, as you consider an option and notice your tummy tensing (for instance), is that excitement, fear or a mixture? Is it a warning or a challenge?

I ask many carefully crafted questions that will facilitate my clients stepping outside of any self-imposed barriers or the confusion of more choices than one life can live!

Contact me to arrange a complimentary discovery call so you get a flavour of how I can support you in making important decisions in your life.

One month to live

If that was your prognosis but you felt well - what would you want to do in that time. The chances are that it would be to spend time with your favourite people and let them know you love them. I’m guessing that, for over 90% of those of working age, going to work would not get a look in.

We spend such a large part of our waking hours at work; so making that the best it can be is really important. We talk about work-life balance, usually in respect of making sure we don’t work too many hours and have enough time and energy for friends, family, sport, hobbies etc. But how about we look through the lens of having a working life balance AT work?

So, close your eyes and think of work. What is the feeling that comes to you? A grip in the tummy as you think of difficult situations? An inward smile and feeling of warmth as you think of being with the team and the humour shared? An energy as you think of the challenge within a new project?

Now and again it is worth considering whether your job is giving you what is important to you. Is it the work you do or the people you work with that encourages you each day? Is there enough of what you enjoy? If there isn’t, perhaps there is a way to change that, while staying in the same role or organisation. Or maybe it is worth considering a bigger change.

It can be tricky to work through these things on our own; we will usually benefit by talking it through with someone who can help us to see the situation from different perspectives. A coach is trained to do just that. Help you see through different lens, notice the blind spots, the opportunities and consider them with realism as well as hope.

If it’s time to look at work - or any aspect of life - to appreciate what you have and how you can make it better or make a sizeable change, please contact me to take advantage of my offer of a free discovery coaching session.